Being a military spouse is beautiful, intricate and hurtful all in one because you're sharing your spouse with the nation and maybe the world. I am one myself with an additive of being a veteran. People would say I have a better understanding about being married to an active guard reservist because I lived that active duty life. That is true but personally that doesn’t make our lives any easier.
My husband and I met while serving in the U.S Army in Fort Bragg, NC. We were in the same unit, lived in the same barracks and were next door neighbors. When I first laid eyes on him in the quad area he caught my eyes and I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. His big brown eyes and a lovely smile. That corny fuzzy frame around is his face with hearts and fireworks were bursting in air in slow motion lol. One of my best friends was talking to me and as my eyes was occupied my ears was hearing Charlie Brown's teachers voice except it was my best friend talking to me. She had to hit me to get me back down to reality and I admitted to her that I want him. He was completing his last active year while I’m just starting out as a greenhorn.
We’ve got acquainted by a couple of our friends lol. They saw how I was falling for this guy and he took a chance with me so we went on dates for awhile and decided it’s time to take it further. (Playing Sister, Lover, Wife by Prince in the background). 11 months later we got married before the Army decided to send me off to Fort Richardson, Alaska!!! As I gained a loving husband I lost a life living inside of me. We didn’t PCS together because my orders was still under my maiden name and I was still considered single at the time. I had to wait for the orders to be amended with my married name along with shipping my precious cargo, my husband. Ugh, it was painful leaving a place of safety from my loving husband‘s arms to a cold place where this woman has never gone before!
As I traveled I couldn't stop thinking about my husband and what my our lives was going be without each others waking moments in bed, sharing each others days and nights and comforting each other when things are not going right.
As I landed and in processed at my second duty station in Fort Richardson, AK the people were inviting and showing hospitality but I was still a lonely newlywed without her husband by her side. I’ve questioned myself, “Should I’ve waited a little longer like three years after I finish this tour? Did we move to fast? Did we get married so quick?!” Man, love make you do the most strangest things EVER even when you've feel that regret love always glimmers a light to say it's ok and your ok, OK!
9/11 happened (Rest In Heaven to those we've lost but never forgotten) I'm worried sick over my family in NY and trying to contact my husband. I was not allowed to leave the barracks until I've heard from my family. What a task, but I heard their precious voices and my heart was settled for awhile. I didn't know if my unit was going to be deployed so I had play the waiting game and pray for all of us in the armed forces.
Three months I’ve waited for my love to visit me and boy did we catch up on a whole lot of stuff, physically lol, socially, mentally and spiritually. Distance can put things in perspective. It can make you or break you. Your bond has to be strong on both ends. Ask yourselves before marrying your true love who's serving, "Is it worth it if you're living distantly or not?" Boom two weeks hit quickly and he had to return back to NC :( and my heart returned back to breaking at the seams it healed once before! (Playing When Doves Cry by Prince & The Revolution). Now mind you he finished his term in the military and returned back as a civilian while I’m maturing into a military active duty spouse.
Later on that year, my orders were amended and we were pregnant again! My husband found a reserve unit. Yay, right?! Uh oh my friends and family members were pregnant along with us! Lets go to Burger King for breakfast! I loved there french toast! Oh no, something is wrong take me to the hospital now! We head into the hospital and our nightmare returned this time seeing what was being pulled out of me and witnessing my husband's heartbreaking reaction. Yep we've lost another life inside me. To make it harder everyone else had their beautiful babies and my heart and my womanhood shattered into pieces.
That following year we was pregnant again and yep you've guessed it nothing was there. Three strikes I'm out! (Playing Comeback by Prince) Went to Hawaii with my husband as he goes to AT for two weeks. I'm skydiving, water skiing and drinking Mai Tai's. Come back to Alaska and head in the toilet. Yep you guessed it we're pregnant again! My term ended in 2003 and we moved back to NC. Here comes a 6lbs 10oz baby boy. Next year a baby girl 7lbs 10oz!
Now we’re back at it again! This time I’m a civilian and my husband went back in as an officer. We were living in NC for 8-10 years and life was happening in different fashions. Unemployment, depression on top of postpartum depression and losing my dad to acute leukemia. After my father deceased we had to move again and I did not want to go back to NY. I haven't fully grieved with life's cycles and phases yet and have to embark on another journey I did not volunteer to be a part of. August of that year, another baby girl 8lbs 20 oz. The next moving years was Minnesota (3 years), Massachusetts (2 and a half years) and North Carolina (present-who knows)
Currently, he’s deployed and I’m holding the world on my shoulders. My shoulders are pretty broad so I can handle it. But there’s nothing wrong in asking for help from family members and friends. If it’s too much where you feel so overwhelmed please seek professional counseling. There’s no judgement here. I took my own advice and sought out help and I'm glad I did. I'm learning so much about my family mental health history and bringing awareness to ours.
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